Why You're A Terrible Customer

Completely unemotional and unattached, and pretty much the worst lay ever, but I guess he wrote a book or something. That’s pretty cool. - Amber, ex-girlfriend

Why You're A Terrible Co-Worker

Wayne’s like the Jacksonville Jaguars of the literary world; too slow, too white and sounds like he’s addicted to pain killers. - Bob, delivery driver

Not since ‘Fuck Da Police’ has there been such an inarticulate work of art. It’s the written equivalent of a Tabby being microwaved. - Wayne Stadler’s Inner Monologue

I would say that Wayne successfully alienated himself from all of his friends with this particular book, but that implies that he actually had friends to begin with.” - Matt, former roommate

If writing was like pickup basketball, then the Down Syndrome corpse of J.R.R. Tolkien would still beat Wayne, but it’d be close, I’ll give him that. - Steven Stadler, Wayne’s Dad

If the most prestigious writing award is a Pulitzer Prize, then Why You’re A Terrible Co-Worker deserves to be placed in a ziplock bag of dook and shuttled down to Marianas Trench, because simply sharing the same oxygen as that award is an affront to literary achievement.” - Mrs. Amateis, Wayne’s high school English teacher

Wayne makes NPR look like SNL on HGH. - Anusia, Wayne’s much more successful Polish friend

Wayne constantly whined like he had sand in his vagina. I can’t believe he wrote about that shit in a diary and then decided to call it a book. I always knew he was gay. - Joey, Ex-Manager

Who the fuck’s Wayne Stadler? - Shirtless drunk guy in the alley behind 7-Eleven

A high fantasy take on the utopian dream of getting tipped and being treated with respect. Laughably unlikely, but I appreciate a dreamer. - Donald Lopez, Store Manager

If being successful gets you laid, then Wayne’s left hand is going to be the president, CEO and magistrate of his fan club. Congratulations on the celibacy, asshole. - Ashley, ex-girlfriend.

A spot-on portrayal of the horribleness that pervades the workplace in the blue collar community. - Wayne’s wishful thinking