You know what's worse than being single for nearly five years? Having a six year-old answer the door at a local government subsidized apartment complex and subsequently grilling you about why you don't have a girlfriend. Most kids go and grab their parents or get jazzed about the arrival of pizza related goodies. Not this kid. This girl simply began questioning me in a concerned tone about my interpersonal relationships. She was like a six year-old therapist that had a flair for Dora The Explorer T's and and dabbled in the demoing of the self-esteem of desperate delivery drivers. Here's how our conversation went:
Me: Hi there. Are your parents home?
Dora: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No I don't. Can you go get your parents.
Dora: Are you going to have kids?
Me: I don't know. Do you have the money for the order?
Dora: So you live alone?
Me: Because I haven't met the right girl.
Dora: That's weird.
Me: A lot of people live alone...
The girl then left and got what looked like were her drug addled parents to come to the door and promptly pay for the order. I was then left to stew in my loneliness and ponder the reality of why I haven't had a girlfriend for the better part of half a decade. Who knows, maybe she was just looking for an escape route out of her broken home, or maybe she could just smell the pathetic-ness on my sky blue visor and tucked in delivery polo. Either way, I'm glad we develop a filter as we get older, because I'm not down for this whole reality nonsense. If I wanted the hard hitting truth about my inability to thrive or woo the opposite sex, I'd stand in front of a full body mirror and stare at my bank statement. And to answer the girl's question about why I live alone and don't have kids. It's to avoid questions like yours!