Official Reject

I recently got into an argument with a customer about free food. I don't know why, but every so often customers seem to muster up the courage to ask for free handouts before they even place their order. I'm not talking about fixing orders that we screwed up or addressing the needs of customers that have some legitimate gripe about our service, these customers simply decided that they deserved something for free solely based on the fact that they existed in the same zip code as our franchise. 

The most recent customer to demand free goods told me that he wanted our supreme pizza. I read him what came on the supreme and he informed me that it sounded good but that he wanted to add anchovies to the pie. I told him that that would obviously cost extra, to which he replied, "Why? I told you I wanted a supreme." I just stared right at the snake tattoo that looked like it was etched into his jugular with a rusty X-Acto knife and sighed. I then moved past his MS-13-like appearance and proceeded to tell the man that if we included anchovies on every supreme pizza, we'd have a lot of dissatisfied customers. I mean, let's face facts. Most families would prefer that we left the trout bait off their bi-annual pizza related order. His response was as predictable as it was disappointing. "That's why the anchovies should be free, bro. No one likes them. I'm doing you a favor by ordering them."
First off, great logic. That'd be like me saying that I should be entitled to free blowjobs by every chick with a BMI over 42. I mean, nobody really wants a hummer by a broad that has Type II Diabetes and clocks in at around the same weight as my Honda Civic, so shouldn't they just give me one for free? Also, no one likes the San Diego Padres, so shouldn't Mr. Padre pilot the Good Year blimp over to Ramona and make it rain some season tickets? Who really wants to watch the worst team in the MLB anyway? Friar Tuck should get his fat ass in gear. I want a Polar Vortex-sized storm of tickets drowning out the better part of Southern California. 

You know what would make the retarded demand of this customer more tolerable? If he wasn't serious. I had to do at least three laps with him about how I can't just give out unpopular food choices to customers that were endowed with flawed taste buds. If that were the case, banana peppers, tomatoes and feta would all be free game. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm all for giving out our more unpopular items. That very same logic means that we'll have to start charging more for our more common, day-to-day orders. That means a beef pizza would cost about $20 dollars, a ham and pineapple pizza would cost about $50 bucks, a sausage pie would require the deed to your house, and a pepperoni pizza would require the public sodomizing of your first and second born child. Hey, I didn't make the rules. A burnt out Nicaraguan with a tear drop tattoo did.